so many things could be much better.

shawn could still be alive for one.

and then a week and a half after that happens, my brothers friend died.

and then i'm getting fucked out of choir.

what the fuck?! so all i did was try to help my incompitent choir teacher out and then he fucking has to give me shit, which would make me mad and say something i don't mean, not only THAT. he completely exaggurated.

ohhh. haha. and the funny thing is, he expects me to believe he wasn't talking shit about me to my OWN FUCKING MOTHER. how awesome is that?

so i'm out of choir. but no worries. my friends are backing me up cause they're the shit. and we're going to get that shitty ass teacher in trouble by writing notes about him and giving it to the vice principal.

i'm so happy we're going to get that closeminded, ignorent, insolent, mean, sexist, scenile, tonedeaf, UGLY bastard in trouble.<3

yeah, i know, i'm very cynical. and i'm PROUD of it!

i'd say the only highlights to this year is well, i had a fun time at the artist vs poet show, and the fact that we're going to get my soon to be ex-choir teacher in trouble for his actions! boy, i'm glad i actually have some power at UCHS, though MHS is better..

but i can't stop feeling like shit right now.

so, i'm usually the sort of person who complains if her ice cream is too cold, but now this is serious.

last night Shawn came over, fixed the car, told us what he was going to do to celebrate the new year, i didn't even say goodbye, i just walked into my room and sat on my ass and watched youtube videos.

i expected to see him the next day and say hello to him..

i remember when i was a little girl and he lived across the street from me. and when me and my brother were too young to stay home alone he babysat us once and it was amazing, he played hide and go seak with us and scared the shit out of us when he'd jump out of wherever he hid from.

and a few months ago me and Krissi played hide and seek with him and eventually Adam jioned in, i remember how it started off, he flashed a flashlight at us while we were in my room and it freaked us out and them i'm like "oh it's just Shawn. haha." and then we started playing hide and seek. of course we couldn't ever find him until he threw something at us or scared the shit out of us.

and he'd randomly come over with his dog and he'd play with them and my dad would watch surviver with him whenever his wife would let him. he also would help us out with construction on the house and with our cars.

i cannot believe he's gone. he was my dad's best friend, i've known him since i was seven or even younger than that. he was such a cool guy. if it weren't for him i'd probably still be a little cry baby like i was in seventh grade. and i can't even begin to think how his wife and little daughter are right now. if i'm bawling my eyes out at this very moment and writing about him, i can't possibly imagine them. and how bad my dad feels. i know it may not look like he's that badly effected by it, but i know how he's hurting and he probably can't hold it in any longer. "it feels like a bad dream" that is exactly what he said to me and my mom before we went to the park today.

i'm gonna miss him so much.

it started off with me and nicole getting to soma at about 9am. christian got there about an hour later. bailey got there about an hour after that. and we made a new friend michaela. showing up that early wasn't a good idea because no one even showed up until about 3pm... hahaha. oh well.

andrew came out and said "what's up guys" everyone felt akward so i was the only one talking to him. he was tired so he didn't stay long. he went to get coffee and he told us he'd be back when he wasn't tired. i guess he was busy because he didn't come back out after that. that doesn't sound like andrew at all, but he was sick. or he probably thought no one would talk to him again so he didn't do it.

artist vs poet pulled up to the parking lot and tarcy jumped out, i said hi to him and gave him cookies and he loved me for it.
the rain didn't really ruin the fun of staying in line at all. it actually made it way more fun. bailey and i were fighting over a pole. it was great. hahaha.

later artist vs poet came out and passed stickers, i was talking to tarcy and he gave me a BIG hug. everybody was all "they're soo hot!" it was great! XD

about two hours before the show started justin from the morning of came up to us and asked if he could join us in playing UNO. i wasn't playing UNO, but my friends were. we also talked to jessica from the moring of. they're so sweet. i love sweet band members.

i was walking with bailey to go give danger radio their cookies, and i freaked out and half of them fell off the plate... it was really funny but i felt so bad. haha. i couldn't find them so i told artist vs poet to give them to andrew. and they did i asked him later on, and he thought they ate half of them. me and bailey started laughing sooo hard. XD

the show started and misdelphia opened, they were okay, but i really just wanted to watch artist vs poet.

artist vs poet came on and it was amazinggg. tarcy loved me and i knew the words so he grabbed my hand like everytime he'd come to my side. i got a guitar pick from craig! and nicole got a drumstick from joe w.

the morning of was just simply amazing. they're really different too!

when danger radio was setting up i talked to spencer and he remembered me! he was telling me a bunch of random stuff. haha. and i asked him the question "if you could transform into any animal what would it be and why?" he said he'd be an eagle because he's always wanted to fly. haha. he also told me why marvin isn't in the band anymore. it's really sad... and he was telling me how he slept on the floor of his friends house. lol. weird.

danger radio started with party foul which is different because they usually end with it. they never sieze to amaze me. i had so much fun during their set it was GREAT. and andrew grabbed my hand so much with his little hands! he's so cute. i got andy's guitar pick!

so after their set ended we all went back to the lobby and we talked to andrew and took pictures with him. he's the sweetest guy ever, for the third time i met him, he's still sooo sweet. he signed my jacket. we also got pictures and aurtographs from joe k. from artist vs poet. he's so cute and sweet. i swear. haha.

after the show everyone started leaving until it was down to me and nicole.

we went back to meet the rest of the band members. tarcy said "COME HERE" and gave me a nother big hug. they took tour photos and that was an easy was to just go past the border and take pictures. and then the group of band members seperated and tarcy found me and hugged me again. haha.

i talked to nico and i took a picture with him and we had a talk about sleep. i told elan he was cool and he said "no i'm notttt" i love elan. lovelovelovelove. i also took a picture with andy and i told him my feet don't touch the ground either. and i said that short people rock! he asked "are you guys leaving?" in the cutest way. he's so adorable! haha. we were about to leave and the bands were too. tarcy hugged me AGAIN. haha. and he asked if i was going to the show in january, i told him i would for sure but i don't know if i can. i really want to, but it's kinda on a school night so ehh.. i'm gonna see.

after everyone left me and nicole waited at black angus for my brother to pick us up. artist vs poet drove by and they stopped at the stop sign and we waved and they honked at us and one of them-probably tarcy-said "I LOVE YOU!"

that was probably the best night of my life. i'm still shaking from it. haha.