sarahdangerrr

here i go again, leaving all of my problems to panic at the disco to fix, they never let me down when it comes to that.

but i can't stop feeling like shit right now.

so, i'm usually the sort of person who complains if her ice cream is too cold, but now this is serious.

last night Shawn came over, fixed the car, told us what he was going to do to celebrate the new year, i didn't even say goodbye, i just walked into my room and sat on my ass and watched youtube videos.

i expected to see him the next day and say hello to him..

i remember when i was a little girl and he lived across the street from me. and when me and my brother were too young to stay home alone he babysat us once and it was amazing, he played hide and go seak with us and scared the shit out of us when he'd jump out of wherever he hid from.

and a few months ago me and Krissi played hide and seek with him and eventually Adam jioned in, i remember how it started off, he flashed a flashlight at us while we were in my room and it freaked us out and them i'm like "oh it's just Shawn. haha." and then we started playing hide and seek. of course we couldn't ever find him until he threw something at us or scared the shit out of us.

and he'd randomly come over with his dog and he'd play with them and my dad would watch surviver with him whenever his wife would let him. he also would help us out with construction on the house and with our cars.

i cannot believe he's gone. he was my dad's best friend, i've known him since i was seven or even younger than that. he was such a cool guy. if it weren't for him i'd probably still be a little cry baby like i was in seventh grade. and i can't even begin to think how his wife and little daughter are right now. if i'm bawling my eyes out at this very moment and writing about him, i can't possibly imagine them. and how bad my dad feels. i know it may not look like he's that badly effected by it, but i know how he's hurting and he probably can't hold it in any longer. "it feels like a bad dream" that is exactly what he said to me and my mom before we went to the park today.

i'm gonna miss him so much.